Just too funny. I wish I would have come up with this one!Washington, DC (Rotters) - In a surprise announcement early this morning at the White House, President Bush announced that he would be putting forward the nomination of former New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick as the new US Attorney General to replace disgraced former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales. Belichick was recently found guilty of covertly videotaping opposing team's signals after an NFL investigation, and fined $500,000. Belichick resigned his duties as head coach earlier this morning, and the White House announced that he had received a full presidential pardon. Under pressure from the White House the NFL had agreed to forgive the fine after the head coach's resignation.
"I seem to have inherited a fairly demoralized group," stated Belichick after the president's introduction, "but this team of attorneys has some real talent and I think we can turn them into contenders in pretty short order."
The White House refused to disclose terms of Belichick's contract, but it is rumored to be in the millions and with a taxpayer-funded signing bonus as well.
"This man understands the need for security and vigilance." stated President Bush. "He's got some great ideas on both offense and defense in our ongoing struggle to push our necessary domestic wiretapping policy past the new FISA rules. What's more, Bill is a true Patriot."
The White House downplayed concerns over Belichick's lack of legal experience stating that this should be viewed as more of an asset.
"We've got a whole team of young, eager Regent Law School graduates ready to assist Mr. Belichick in any way," stated White House spokesperson Dana Perino."The goal will be to not have him bogged down in the mundane, day-to-day legalese and management concerns, but to focus on ways to increase homeland security through covert monitoring in all forms."
Senate Democrats immediately decried the president's appointment vowing to oppose and overthrow it during confirmation hearings. The White House has reportedly offered a counter proposal of three first round primary election picks for the 2008 season, if the Democrats will allow confirmation.
8 comments:
wow i thought you were serious about this one. goodness i got a scare mr. perry.
Abigail Ham
4th period
9th grade
Oh dear, what is the world coming to?
I only have two words: Oh wow.
Kali Elliott
4th Period
Human Geography AP
I really don't know what to say except for I hope we can do something about these kinds of things in the near future.
hmm... i dont really think making a football coach the US Attorney General would be a good thing
Dylan Boyd
4th Period
11-7-07
If this is true then this is what i have to say:
Wow, who sold Pres. Bush his crack this time, I mean seriously what's happening to our world. By doing this Pres. Bush is totally condoning cheating, and instead of letting the NFL do what they have been doing for years to deal with cheaters, he convinces the NFL to dismiss the fine and then trys to make him attorney general where he would get paid the amount of the fine 10x over! wow this is irritating and im quite heated right now, and i would have to agree with abby
if this isnt true which now that i think about it its pretty far fetched here is what i have to say:
if pres. bush had the chance to do that that just shows how dumb he really is!
Dayden Shaffer
4th period
Sophmore
OH...MY!! I really don't know what to say other than, What is going through our president's mind when he nominates a criminal as the attorney general.
Ashely Ambrosio
4th period
9th grade
I could really see the coach trying to video tape his peers in order to make "THE RIGHT DECISIONS".
People can't think for themselves these days.
Celesta Nave
10th Grade
HuGeo-4
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